What I learned through Autism

Since getting Joshua's diagnosis I have learned to stop judging other moms. It's amazing how harsh moms are about other moms. Reading posts on message boards will show you how critical we can be of other people. I no longer look down on moms in a store with a child melting down. I don't think wow, that kid needs discipline or what is that mom doing. I realize things aren't always as they seem. That everybody needs the benefit of doubt and encouraging words. Most moms just do the best they can and having a child with Autism who looks typical to the outside world helps me be more sympathetic to others.

Belonging to different moms groups has its benefits. I became aware early on that if I had any concerns there was free evaluations through the county even at the age of 2. I never would have known this had it not been for these message boards. I have met some really good friends through message boards and online groups. They definitely have their benefits.

HOWEVER, and this is a big however, they also bring out the worst in people. You realize that parenting is controversial. So many things to debate. So many things to make you feel superior or inferior in your own parenting style. Vaccinate, don't vaccinate. Cry it out, don't cry it out. Spank, don't spank. Co-sleep, don't co-sleep. Everyone becomes so threatened by these debates. Why does it matter if someone chooses one or the other. Why do moms feel threatened by these debates.

There is definitely truth in this humor. http://www.someecards.com/2011/01/28/a-template-for-every-awful-facebook-discussion-youve-ever-witnessed


So whether or not you have a child with special needs, realize that most moms are doing the best they can, don't be so quick to judge and let's just be nicer to each other. It will make the world a better place. Like my mom always taught me, if you don't have anything nice to say, keep your mouth shut.

Stop pooping in the sandbox

Well, that got your attention didn't it. :) Well, this blog isn't about Joshua, although it very well could have been a year ago when he would strip off his clothes in the backyard and run around naked and sometimes do his business. I've disinfected the slide more often than I want to admit. I'm glad that phase is pretty much over for Joshua, cute and endearing at the age of 3 & 4 not so much at 5 & 6.

Back to the sandbox...It's not Joshua who is doing his business in the sandbox it's stupid outdoor cats that do NOT belong to me. I love cats, I really do. I have owned 4 cats but only one remains. I just hate and despise outdoor cats. Just because you love your cat doesn't mean that every neighbor around you loves your cat. I'm not sure why people think it is okay to have outdoor cats that roam in other people's yards.

I'm not perfect. I know I know that's shocking to hear, but I'm not just ask Matt. I am forever forgetting to cover the sandbox which leads to annoying outdoor cats that think I've left them one gigantic litter box which means we are dumping and replacing sand constantly. I try to remember to cover the box but life gets crazy and I just forget. We replace the sand and I'm really good about covering the box for a few weeks and then laziness sets in.

I'm guessing I will not be getting a lot of RSVP's to future playdates at my house after I publish this post.

What's for lunch?

When someone asks you what did you have for lunch I'm sure that is a pretty easy question for most people. For me today, I grabbed a sandwich on the way home. If I ask Emily, she'll tell you cheeseburger, french fries, KETCHUP (mostly ketchup) and chocolate milk.

Now onto Joshua- He gets in the car every afternoon in carpool. I use this 10 minute ride on the way home to interrogate...errr...I mean talk to him. I ask him this simple question every.single.day. What did you eat for lunch today. Not because I really care what he eats. I let him buy his lunch every day because he likes it. Saves me time from making the same boring turkey sandwich every day for it just to come home uneaten. So now, he can just eat or not eat their food. Costs me the same but saves me time.

So back to the question...Joshua, What did you have for lunch today?

It never fails, the answer has always been the same since day one. I don't know. What do you mean I don't know. How do you not know what you ate for lunch. This little back and forth goes on for a few minutes and I finally give up the answer question part of our ride home. If he was ever captured as a hostage he would be very reliable and trustworthy, he'll keep all your government secrets. He'd never give up any intel. I promise.


So it's half way through the year and I have no idea what he has ever eaten at school. NOw i know he eats because I interrogate....err...I mean talk to his teachers every once in awhile and they assure me that he is not sitting in the corner wasting away from starvation.

my diva

Okay, my parents are in town and me and my mom have been doing a LOT of shopping. Seriously, I haven't shopped this much since Christmas. Emily is going to be 4 in a few weeks so my mom bought her some presents to celebrate while she is here. She bought her a beautiful Easter dress. It is spectacular. And of course a matching hat, shoes and purse. She also got her a polly pocket toy. Emily has been playing with that thing for 2 hours and is in heaven. Besides changing her clothes 100 x a day she loves changing her dolls clothes so I knew she was ready for Polly Pocket. :)

Well, we got a tax refund recently and let me share something with you but it's our secret okay.  I spent $300.00 on clothes for Emily yesterday. Shh....don't tell Matt. Luckily he takes no interest in my blog and never reads it so I know it is safe here. *eye rolling*
I went insane shopping. I had so much fun. This girl is set for clothes (well she'll still need actual play clothes from target, you know the $3-$4 crap you don't care if they get dirty.

I spent $80 at Kohls. $80 at Children's Place, $52 at Payless, $70 at Penney's. I've justified it saying these are part of her birthday presents. You know how those justifications work, right. :)


I think the craziest thing I bought this girl was 4, yes I said 4 pairs of shoes. White sandals, floral sandals, pink dressy flats, and a new pair of dora tennis shoes. Not to mention the white dress shoes mom bought for Easter. I told you I went crazy. This is the first time in years that I bought her stuff that wasn't Target play wear. She is going to be stylin'. I know I shouldn't encourage her but when I was a kid I loved dressing my dolls and now I have my very own Doll to dress. ;)

I think I love buying her clothes because I know they will fit and be cute. Unlike shopping for myself. I did buy myself a new top yesterday but shopping in my department was just boring and depressing. So I ventured back to the girls department. I think Emily may be safe from the "glass child" syndrome. Of course she keeps asking me to play Polly Pockets with her and well, sorry honey, mommy is busy right now...blogging about how great of a mom I am to you. Yes, I know the irony of this is not lost on me.  But people, it's barely 9am and I haven't even woken up yet.

Now you may be wondering about poor Joshua what did I get him. Well I got him a hex bug from Target. They are really cool if you haven't seen them before. They provide hours of entertainment for my boy. http://www.target.com/s?keywords=hex+bug&searchNodeID=1038576|1287991011&ref=sr_bx_1_1&x=0&y=0

I also bought him a 2 inch memory foam mattress to go on top of his futon. Now that he is growing he should have a better bed and he doesn't want a regular bed because he likes that he can have a "couch" in his room when he has friends over.

Clothes, did he get clothes. Well Mom bought him his easter suit and 2 new pair of shorts. That's it. That's all he needs. Wondering why? Well he is still in a size 4. He has been in a size for at least a year and a half. It's crazy. So he has a dresser full of clothes he can still wear. So again, I justified Emily's expenditures because I didn't need to buy Joshua clothes so I could spend that money on Emily.

ramblings

I haven't posted in awhile and I am sitting here thinking about witty things to talk about. But life is pretty mundane right now. I had to put a lock on Emily's closet because I got tired of her changing clothes 300 x a day. She declared she wanted clothes for her birthday instead of toys. She's 4 not 14 in case you were wondering.

Joshua starts back to school tomorrow and my stomach is in knots over this. I am ready to send him back to school. This past week he's been a handful. On the other hand, I wish he didn't have to go so I could keep him at home and protect him from all the hurt and hate in the world. One bubble to go please. :)

I've been reading a lot more articles and blogs on autism lately. Sometimes they are easy to read and humorous and other times downright painful. I wear my emotions on my sleeve which is probably not the best thing for Joshua. He doesn't need a mom who starts bawling at the first sight of injustice against him. I need to toughen up but it's so hard.

I've watched a video the other day about Glass Children. If you don't know what that is it refers to the typical siblings of special needs kids. It was  a real eye opener for me and I need to make sure I take care of Emily as well as Joshua. Here's the video. It's worth the watch even if you don't have special needs kids. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSwqo-g2Tbk&feature=youtu.be I try to pay attention to Emily and spend a lot of alone time with her. I do worry about how Joshua acts out against her sometimes. I'm sure it seems like we don't punish Joshua enough. Hopefully, one day she will understand. In the meantime, I just need to continually make her feel loved and special and know that she is just as important to us as Joshua. Of course, this would be a lot easier to do if she wasn't a girl who acted like a teenager. Oh the talking back, and attitude, and arguments. Sometimes, she is more difficult than Joshua. Not sure why I ever taught her to talk.

Hopefully, I will do enough for my kids not to scar them too badly. Maybe instead of a college fund, we should start a therapy fund...hmmm....need to call our financial advisor and discuss. :P

but but but why......and the constant noise

Joshua was delayed in language, didn't really start speaking until 3 1/2 we were so excited when he learned to talk.

Emily had lots of ear infections and her speaking cleared up about 3ish.

We were so thrilled.....


Now...I just need the constant noise and whining and questions to stop. Please. Pretty Please.

When I say no to Joshua his new thing is to say Bbbbut Bbbut why??? I find this quite endearing but I stick to my guns.

Emily is the biggest issue. OMG.....just be quiet for five minutes. Enough with the questions, comments, whining, demands.

She loves to talk all the time. I went to Target yesterday and had to take both kids. Joshua sat there the whole time in the cart playing his game. Emily talked the WHOLE time. Asking for this and that. She just wouldn't zip it. I had a headache when I left.

I always think back to an old quote I've read. "Two mistake new parents always make...they teach their kids to walk and talk"

Sherri

I should be flattered...

I should be flattered. I went to an autism event last Friday held at jumping beans a chance for families with autism to have a controlled environment for their kids to play and a chance to fellowship with other parents.

Joshua was actually having a very good night. He was happy energetic playing well with others and terrorizing his sister, he was showing off his "typical side" so to speak.

Well I got to talking to another mom with a 4 yr old with autism. He wasn't as high functioning as Joshua but he did remind me a lot of Joshua when he was 4. Well she just could not believe hat joshua had autism.

"but he makes great eye contact"

Well yeah I said that has never been a major issue for him I explained.

"he's playing so well with others"

Yeah I know, he's having a good night.

"He just came over and had a long conversation with you, my son would never do that. "

Yeah my son didn't start talking until he was 3 and he is almost 6. He was similar to your son back then.

"he reminds me a lot of my niece, she's not on the spectrum just hyperactive"

Hmm well you know what they say you meet one child with autism, you've met one child with autism. As I smile nicely and excuse myself to go play with my apparently typical child and to tear him off of Emily.

Here is what I wanted to say.

Look I know I should be flattered that you think there is nothing wrong with my child but enough already. Stop questioning. He's two years older than your son. I want to really go into all his struggles but I'm here to relax and I don't feel the need to justify nor defend his diagnosis.