But I neeeeeeeeeeeeed it.......

says the little boy who had his Popsicle taken away.

4 hours earlier....

I have a head cold, I don't feel well and this day has been way too long. Matt goes out with friends on Sunday afternoons and he doesn't get back until after 6. I really have tried to make the best of the day despite feeling like crap. Emily went down for a nap. Yay one less kid to deal with for a few hours. Joshua on the otherhand asked me if I would build legos with him. He has recently acquired new lego sets. These are a new chapter in our lives. We are talking about the lego sets that actually make something and come with 100 microscopic pieces. I hate doing legos I'm not good at it. It's a daddy/son project. But he did put away the puzzle pieces without much prompting and then he came over and asked in his very sweet voice, "mommy, I put away the puzzle can we play legos now" Of course, I'm thinking noooooooo but against my better judgment I agree. So we pull out the instructions for the helicopter. Thankfully Legos is smart enough not everybody has a knack for looking at a picture and duplicating the creation. The step by step directions are decent so I charge forwrad to recreate the really cool rescue helicopter in the picture. It is a detail oriented project and requires concentration and an eye for detail. Something I normally have but today my head is pounding. Well, half way through things start going downhill. I go to put a piece in and 4 other pieces fall out so I have to backtrack in the directions and figure out where they went. I've spent an hour on this stupid helicopter and I just had to give up and I was practically in tears because it was so frustrating. So I picked them up and put them away despite the protests of one little boy who says, "but I can do it". No you can't not without my help and I have no patience left.

So I'm supposed to wake emily up at 4 and some days I'm good at this other days I let time slip by and think 5 more minutes won't hurt. I finally went in at 5 and woke her up only to find that she peed her pants and all over her bed. Potty training sucks.

So it's snack time and I'm a pushover because I'm sick. :P So they asked for popsicles, sure whatever. Well Emily is standing on one side of the table and Joshua is on the other side sitting on the couch. Out of the blue he walks over and slaps emily across the face. So I get up and take away his popsicle and throw it in the trash.  Well this was the end of the world for Joshua. I have him sit with me and I talk to him about hitting and now he lost his popscile because of what he did. He got up a few minutes later went over and apologized to Emily and asked if she was okay. Then he returned to me and said, can I have my popscicle back. Ummm. No you hit emily. It's been 45 minutes and we are still tantruming and throwing things and now kicking emily because he "NEEEEEEDS his popsicle."  Discipline does not cure autism but I sure wish it would help deter some of his behavior.  The loss of the popscicle now means the rest of my evening will be spent fighting with him and keeping him from throwing things and breaking things and destroying my house. Nothing I do will stop his behavior. Time outs don't work, spankings don't work, locking him in his room is just a disaster waiting to happen, loss of toys don't work. Nothing works. SO now I'm left thinking I have a long evening ahead of me, maybe he does just need his popsicle. But I'll stay consistent even though tomorrow it won't make a damn bit of difference because sometime during the day when all is calm and all is bright, he will walk over to Emily and just hit, push or slap her and the whole stupid cycle will just repeat. Welcome to my life on the spectrum.


Now I have the hiccups and evertime I hiccup emily asks if I'm okay. Daddy's home so now I can escape to my bed and cover my head and pretend all is good in my life.