What's for lunch?

When someone asks you what did you have for lunch I'm sure that is a pretty easy question for most people. For me today, I grabbed a sandwich on the way home. If I ask Emily, she'll tell you cheeseburger, french fries, KETCHUP (mostly ketchup) and chocolate milk.

Now onto Joshua- He gets in the car every afternoon in carpool. I use this 10 minute ride on the way home to interrogate...errr...I mean talk to him. I ask him this simple question every.single.day. What did you eat for lunch today. Not because I really care what he eats. I let him buy his lunch every day because he likes it. Saves me time from making the same boring turkey sandwich every day for it just to come home uneaten. So now, he can just eat or not eat their food. Costs me the same but saves me time.

So back to the question...Joshua, What did you have for lunch today?

It never fails, the answer has always been the same since day one. I don't know. What do you mean I don't know. How do you not know what you ate for lunch. This little back and forth goes on for a few minutes and I finally give up the answer question part of our ride home. If he was ever captured as a hostage he would be very reliable and trustworthy, he'll keep all your government secrets. He'd never give up any intel. I promise.


So it's half way through the year and I have no idea what he has ever eaten at school. NOw i know he eats because I interrogate....err...I mean talk to his teachers every once in awhile and they assure me that he is not sitting in the corner wasting away from starvation.

my diva

Okay, my parents are in town and me and my mom have been doing a LOT of shopping. Seriously, I haven't shopped this much since Christmas. Emily is going to be 4 in a few weeks so my mom bought her some presents to celebrate while she is here. She bought her a beautiful Easter dress. It is spectacular. And of course a matching hat, shoes and purse. She also got her a polly pocket toy. Emily has been playing with that thing for 2 hours and is in heaven. Besides changing her clothes 100 x a day she loves changing her dolls clothes so I knew she was ready for Polly Pocket. :)

Well, we got a tax refund recently and let me share something with you but it's our secret okay.  I spent $300.00 on clothes for Emily yesterday. Shh....don't tell Matt. Luckily he takes no interest in my blog and never reads it so I know it is safe here. *eye rolling*
I went insane shopping. I had so much fun. This girl is set for clothes (well she'll still need actual play clothes from target, you know the $3-$4 crap you don't care if they get dirty.

I spent $80 at Kohls. $80 at Children's Place, $52 at Payless, $70 at Penney's. I've justified it saying these are part of her birthday presents. You know how those justifications work, right. :)


I think the craziest thing I bought this girl was 4, yes I said 4 pairs of shoes. White sandals, floral sandals, pink dressy flats, and a new pair of dora tennis shoes. Not to mention the white dress shoes mom bought for Easter. I told you I went crazy. This is the first time in years that I bought her stuff that wasn't Target play wear. She is going to be stylin'. I know I shouldn't encourage her but when I was a kid I loved dressing my dolls and now I have my very own Doll to dress. ;)

I think I love buying her clothes because I know they will fit and be cute. Unlike shopping for myself. I did buy myself a new top yesterday but shopping in my department was just boring and depressing. So I ventured back to the girls department. I think Emily may be safe from the "glass child" syndrome. Of course she keeps asking me to play Polly Pockets with her and well, sorry honey, mommy is busy right now...blogging about how great of a mom I am to you. Yes, I know the irony of this is not lost on me.  But people, it's barely 9am and I haven't even woken up yet.

Now you may be wondering about poor Joshua what did I get him. Well I got him a hex bug from Target. They are really cool if you haven't seen them before. They provide hours of entertainment for my boy. http://www.target.com/s?keywords=hex+bug&searchNodeID=1038576|1287991011&ref=sr_bx_1_1&x=0&y=0

I also bought him a 2 inch memory foam mattress to go on top of his futon. Now that he is growing he should have a better bed and he doesn't want a regular bed because he likes that he can have a "couch" in his room when he has friends over.

Clothes, did he get clothes. Well Mom bought him his easter suit and 2 new pair of shorts. That's it. That's all he needs. Wondering why? Well he is still in a size 4. He has been in a size for at least a year and a half. It's crazy. So he has a dresser full of clothes he can still wear. So again, I justified Emily's expenditures because I didn't need to buy Joshua clothes so I could spend that money on Emily.

ramblings

I haven't posted in awhile and I am sitting here thinking about witty things to talk about. But life is pretty mundane right now. I had to put a lock on Emily's closet because I got tired of her changing clothes 300 x a day. She declared she wanted clothes for her birthday instead of toys. She's 4 not 14 in case you were wondering.

Joshua starts back to school tomorrow and my stomach is in knots over this. I am ready to send him back to school. This past week he's been a handful. On the other hand, I wish he didn't have to go so I could keep him at home and protect him from all the hurt and hate in the world. One bubble to go please. :)

I've been reading a lot more articles and blogs on autism lately. Sometimes they are easy to read and humorous and other times downright painful. I wear my emotions on my sleeve which is probably not the best thing for Joshua. He doesn't need a mom who starts bawling at the first sight of injustice against him. I need to toughen up but it's so hard.

I've watched a video the other day about Glass Children. If you don't know what that is it refers to the typical siblings of special needs kids. It was  a real eye opener for me and I need to make sure I take care of Emily as well as Joshua. Here's the video. It's worth the watch even if you don't have special needs kids. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSwqo-g2Tbk&feature=youtu.be I try to pay attention to Emily and spend a lot of alone time with her. I do worry about how Joshua acts out against her sometimes. I'm sure it seems like we don't punish Joshua enough. Hopefully, one day she will understand. In the meantime, I just need to continually make her feel loved and special and know that she is just as important to us as Joshua. Of course, this would be a lot easier to do if she wasn't a girl who acted like a teenager. Oh the talking back, and attitude, and arguments. Sometimes, she is more difficult than Joshua. Not sure why I ever taught her to talk.

Hopefully, I will do enough for my kids not to scar them too badly. Maybe instead of a college fund, we should start a therapy fund...hmmm....need to call our financial advisor and discuss. :P

but but but why......and the constant noise

Joshua was delayed in language, didn't really start speaking until 3 1/2 we were so excited when he learned to talk.

Emily had lots of ear infections and her speaking cleared up about 3ish.

We were so thrilled.....


Now...I just need the constant noise and whining and questions to stop. Please. Pretty Please.

When I say no to Joshua his new thing is to say Bbbbut Bbbut why??? I find this quite endearing but I stick to my guns.

Emily is the biggest issue. OMG.....just be quiet for five minutes. Enough with the questions, comments, whining, demands.

She loves to talk all the time. I went to Target yesterday and had to take both kids. Joshua sat there the whole time in the cart playing his game. Emily talked the WHOLE time. Asking for this and that. She just wouldn't zip it. I had a headache when I left.

I always think back to an old quote I've read. "Two mistake new parents always make...they teach their kids to walk and talk"

Sherri

I should be flattered...

I should be flattered. I went to an autism event last Friday held at jumping beans a chance for families with autism to have a controlled environment for their kids to play and a chance to fellowship with other parents.

Joshua was actually having a very good night. He was happy energetic playing well with others and terrorizing his sister, he was showing off his "typical side" so to speak.

Well I got to talking to another mom with a 4 yr old with autism. He wasn't as high functioning as Joshua but he did remind me a lot of Joshua when he was 4. Well she just could not believe hat joshua had autism.

"but he makes great eye contact"

Well yeah I said that has never been a major issue for him I explained.

"he's playing so well with others"

Yeah I know, he's having a good night.

"He just came over and had a long conversation with you, my son would never do that. "

Yeah my son didn't start talking until he was 3 and he is almost 6. He was similar to your son back then.

"he reminds me a lot of my niece, she's not on the spectrum just hyperactive"

Hmm well you know what they say you meet one child with autism, you've met one child with autism. As I smile nicely and excuse myself to go play with my apparently typical child and to tear him off of Emily.

Here is what I wanted to say.

Look I know I should be flattered that you think there is nothing wrong with my child but enough already. Stop questioning. He's two years older than your son. I want to really go into all his struggles but I'm here to relax and I don't feel the need to justify nor defend his diagnosis.

All I want for Christmas....

Okay I admit it. I am one big kid at Christmas time. I can't wait for Christmas morning to get up and open all my presents. Even though I know a lot of what my family has gotten me I still get excited. This year we are going to my family's house for Christmas. We are leaving Tuesday evening and won't be back until January 3rd. I love visiting my family it is so much fun. I plan on getting a lot of "girl" time with my mom and sister. Going out shopping, having lunch and hanging out together.  The nice thing is Matt is so super when we are visiting my family. He lets me come and go as I please and doesn't mind taking care of the kids the majority of the time. It is my vacation from my job as a sahm. :) So I'm sure you can see why I'm so excited. :)

We recently switched Joshua's medications and part of me was what was I thinking right before the holidays to play with his meds but is there ever a good time to do that. I'm torn. I can't tell if they are helping or making things worse or about the same time. He is definitely more engaged during the day and not so to himself which is good. Regardless, he can act how ever he wants during the holiday break. I'm not going to worry about it.


I keep asking the kids what mommy should get for Christmas and Emily insists that I want a glue stick and glitter and Joshua insists that I want the new Lego Indiana Jones game for the xbox. It's nice how well my kids know me. Of course matt asks me what I want for Christmas and he's clueless even though I gave him specific things I wanted. Heck, Eliz my mary kay lady and friend is holding stuff aside for "me" and matt just has to go next door and talk to her.


To all my friends and family and strangers who may read this blog, I hope you have a happy, healthy, blessed Christmas and New year. :)

No one said it would hurt this much

When I got pregnant with Joshua we were ecstatic. We dreamed of all the happy days of playing and discovering and enjoying the spirit of a child.  Everybody told us how blessed we would feel and how much joy children bring. Nobody told us about the heartache and pain that comes with raising a child. I never knew I would worry this much. I've only had Joshua with me for 5 years and I can already tell that it won't matter if he's 5 or 85 the worry will never end.

He started kindergarten a few months ago. It started out well enough the first two weeks, he walked in no problems, no tears and no tantrums. I knew in my heart this would not last. Yet, I remained hopeful that everything I knew about my son changed. Unfortunately, my heart was right. Once he realized this whole school thing was ongoing the tantrums and fear took over. No longer were the morning drop offs easy. No longer did he walk in without a second glance. He refused to get out of the car and I had to start walking him in. I would get him to class and he would completely breakdown as I would leave. I could hear him screaming for me all the way down the hall. What's a mother to do except shed tears. Hearing the pain and fear in his voice and knowing that I had no choice but to walk away was excruciating. It doesn't matter that everyone assures me that he is okay within a few minutes and the rest of his day is good and his work is good and he participates. All I remember is those few minutes where he's pleading, screaming, crying for his mommy not to leave. I've been dealing with this for 3 weeks now and my heart breaks every single day. All I want to do is just take him in my arms and sit down with him and cry with him.

We signed him up for before school so he could go in about an hour early and play before class started. He cries when we drop him off but at least he's not breaking down in front of his entire class and when class is ready to begin he is adjusted and calm and walks from the gym to his class with no problems. The other positive is Matt takes him on the way into work. I know my heart can't handle hearing him cry every single day.

It has carried over to other parts of his life. Now when I go out occasionally in the evenings, which I have always done and it's just part of our family routine he has meltdowns because I'm leaving. One night Matt said he cried for over 20 minutes before he could get him to calm down. I try dropping him off at Sunday school, something he's always been accustomed to and he breaksdown as I leave.

I worked in his sunday school class room yesterday and I have never really watched him in a classroom setting because I don't want to disrupt his routine. The entire time I just watched him and analyzed everything he did. I noticed how quiet he was and I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. During part of the class there was a video where it encouraged participation like stand up and jump with us. At first Joshua stood up to participate and about half the class was participating and half stayed seated. He looked around and saw that some stayed seated and he sat back down again. I notice everything about his behavior and that is not a good thing. Maybe that's why I don't participate and volunteer in his class because by the time I leave my heart is in a million pieces again.

No one said it would be easy. But no one said parenthood would hurt this much.